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October 30 Progress Report or What We Know So Far
In between sorting out the technical nightmare that is plaguing my new flat, I’m urgently trying to build a case about these abductions here (yes, I’m calling them abductions, Stu!). So it’s worth summarising – especially as my fastidious correspondent QuantumStu likes a good bit of fact checking – what we know and who we know it about.
ABDUCTION #1: PROFESSOR JURIAN VERHOVENSeen here – I believe – running for his life:
Has been missing since at least 14 October. Although I left a hugely embarrassing answer machine message for him, I am now completely confident that he isn’t hiding from me personally but has in fact gone missing. As much video as I’ve been able to find is here. No one, including his once friendly research assistant Martin, is able to tell me where he is. In my book, controversial and well known people don’t just melt away.
ABDUCTION #2: DR. GARETH CUNNINGHAM Here’s Dr. Cunningham at The Harlwood Institute, on the last day he went to work there: He stepped into that lift and – as far as I can discover – he hasn’t been seen since. He missed two public lectures without any credible explanation. Dr. Cunningham (like Prof V) has an interest in environmental science, new forms of energy and fuel – and a couple of weeks earlier he even spoke to me about it. Having accidentally-on-purpose taken this footage, it’s clear to me that whoever was following Verhoven is now – seen here – following Cunningham. The official channels and The Harlwood aren’t exactly playing ball with me. But in this case – no news about Dr. C, is, I think, bad news.
ABDUCTION #3: UNKNOWN
I’ve dated the full footage here from the day I was emailed it anonymously, not the day I know it happened. Despite efforts (albeit quite flippant efforts, Stu) I’ve still not been able to work out who is attacked here or where it happened. NOMII have to say, that although at least two of the people I have footage of – both Verhoven and Cunningham - have connections to this multinational company <website here> the staff there could not have been more unhelpful if they tried. I am definitely not feeling any love here – and I want to know why. Why don’t they care about what’s going on? Whatever is going on…
ANSWERS PLEASEI might be sticking my neck out here, I don’t care. I didn’t get into journalism for the quiet life. I started this blog a few weeks (although it already seems a lifetime) ago by trying to swot up on my miniscule science knowledge inspired by the turn on of the Large Hadron Collider. The LHC may be off but I am on… to a story that is. And since, as you would no doubt want to remind me Stu, we are all connected (bring on my new quantum mechanics knowledge!), if these people are in trouble, then that’s my business too. Time to show your hand Stu (even if you STILL won’t show your face!) and admit that what we’ve got here is a case to answer. And if anyone’s got answers, let’s hear them. V x
Life with the NOMI switchboard
Press 1 to be sure your polite enquiry, regarding one of NOMI’s former employees Dr. Gareth Cunningham who has gone missing, will be returned as soon as possible. Press 2 to be left on hold by a former colleague of Dr. Cunningham and then after 10 minutes get cut off. Press 3 to learn that the same former colleague will now be in meetings for the rest of the day. Make that the week. As will all their staff. Press 4 to chat to three or four of the P.As you now know quite well in different departments and be transferred around many different offices until you get lost in classical musak for half an hour. Press 5 to end up with the number of someone really important in America, who “may be able to help with enquiries about the takeover of Mercurie Chemicals Centex” who is then conveniently on annual leave for three weeks. Press 6 to try and find out anything about Mercurie and Professor Verhoven – also missing – and NOMI’s takeover of that company, ping pong across international time zones and get really, really mad. Press 7 to change your name each time you call (how cunning!) in an effort to confuse senior members of NOMI staff. Press 8 to chase down other people in other departments (repeat options 3,4,5 as desired) and demand help but, despite quoting NOMI’s website mantra about its ‘family’ spirit, just get completely stonewalled at every stage and end up making potentially unwise threats and allegations. Press 9 to be told my number – and a range of names I have given (not so cunning it seems) have been recorded for NOMI’s future records and any further contact (see option 8) will be treated as harassment. Press 0 to call ahead to the takeaway and shout at them instead, order a blow out meal, convince yourself NOMI are the most unhelpful company you’ve ever dealt with and go out for a vodka and ginger ale. V
October 29 Common GroundIn France – they do seem to get their fair share of these big science projects – at the ITER project they’re working to create artificial stars to blow apart and make an unlimited and self generating energy supply. And as 80% of the world’s electricity still comes from coal and natural gas, this is obviously pretty important.
Why am I back on vast scientific projects (at least you’ll be pleased Stu) when the last one I started getting interested in was immediately shut down? Because this kind of thinking is obviously important to both Dr Cunningham – who I remembered mentioning it in his interview with me - and Jurian Verhoven, who gave a talk along similar lines recently two. At least this area of interest – and neither of them have exactly been shy and retiring about speaking on it – is one thing that connects both these guys. Something other than the only other thing I can find they have in common… … they’ve both vanished into thin air. V
Help please!Up this morning, after a sleepless night (my TV decided to turn itself on at 3am, I’d left the volume on high, great news) to find this in the inbox:
Questions, lots of questions: WHO? Can anyone ID the guy in the film? In both our previous cases (Professor Verhoven and Dr. Cunningham) we knew who they were. Here: I’m not sure? Any ideas out there? Anyone recognise this guy? WHAT? I can’t see what he’s about to speak on in the room, but I’m guessing he’s a scientist. Or have these people targeted someone else? WHO (AGAIN)? The guards? Here we just see the arms, I’m calling them guards, but all I know is they look like the figures in the other two pieces of film I’ve got – but who they are…? No progress there either. WHY? If this guy is also a scientist, is he connected to Verhoven and Cunningham in some way? If he is, why scientists? WHERE? No clue where we are. The room has a corporate feel; perhaps another research facility like The Harlwood? WHEN? It could be, of course, that this is actually older than the other two and that whoever had this footage has only just discovered I’m onto the story. Could be they haven’t had the nerve to post it before now? Clearly some people do get intimidated. That’s to be expected. Whoever sent me this, you didn’t give a name, thank you. You may end up saving someone’s life here – and I’m even more convinced this needs to be pursued, with or without help. Stu – can you now get your head out of the sand (and that’s the polite version of where I’m asking you to remove it from) and help here too? OK, I’ll ask more nicely: *smiles*, you know about all things science, do you have any idea about what I’ve been sent here? And if this blog is a safe
place for other people to speak out then, please, use it. If you know anything at all write. Write
anonymously, it doesn’t matter. Tell me what you know. V
October 28 Sleepless night Part 2Short of time so let’s talk in facts here. I’m often criticised for doing the opposite by an especially quantum-minded reader of mine. Fact 1 Gareth Cunningham failed to appear at the lecture. A few beardies in jackets telling me he’s indisposed isn’t going to cut it. There’s something wrong here. Fact 2 You can’t deny that Stu, because you weren’t there. You don’t get to comment. Or be a counter-balance. Newton’s old 3rd law doesn’t apply here. Fact 3 I’m calling Nomi first thing in the morning. Why? Because (and here comes number 3) Cunningham used to work for them and Verhoven used to work for Mercurie Chemicals Centex and Fact 4 Mercurie Chemicals Centex have been bought by Nomi. Technically I was breaking the law at The Harlwood and I could possibly be accused of harassment of Prof V’s staff so the police are not going to be getting a call from me anytime soon. Which leads me to Fact 5 I feel like I’m on my own here. I suppose that’s fine. Really. I’ve got my flat with broken heating and a computer that only works for three minutes at a time, (three minutes which may well be up any moment now so screw grammar) why doesn’t somebody just come forward and help me out at least with some answers because somebody knows something and I am not just hungry for a headline here… I think two people I’ve spoken in the last two weeks are, yeah, missing – dead? - and here comes the interference again and that means I’m hitting post post post
Sleepless Night Part 1So, anybody out there got an
answer for my computer problem? I’m
getting this all through the day and night.
And this is way beyond control-alt-delete:
October 22 Dead ends...OK. My laptop’s been taken over by some kind of virus. Although it could just be some problem with the flat because the TV’s gone whacko as well. It’s one in, one out here: as soon as I get rid of the odd smell in the corner problem, the electrics start playing up. Some people (QuantumStu) might take this to be more evidence of me being like “an elderly relative who is slowly going potty”. I am not senile. I do not have an incontinent cat. I do not sit about eating “scetty shapes” in bed. So those people would be completely and totally wrong. The phone does actually seem to be working - although I’ve still had no calls from either the Harlwood, the police or… more importantly, Gareth Cunningham after my exploits earlier in the week. No one’s demanding the ‘borrowed’ footage be returned, no one’s telling me to take it off the blog. So where are we? Professor Verhoven has vanished into thin air. I finally got hold of someone at Mercurie Centex Chemicals, where Verhoven worked about 12 months ago – but this man seems to have had an allergy to forwarding addresses or contact numbers. Cunningham’s another matter. Because I only spoke to him just a couple of weeks ago and now he’s completely checked out. The Harlwood aren’t going to be of any help – after my last visit, I’m pretty much persona non grata there. But Dr. C’s down to give another talk tonight – so I’m going back to the Freeman School (in practical shoes) to see who’s going to be in the audience and if Dr. C decides to turn up at the lectern. Stu, this is your chance to do some of the evidence gathering that I know is so important to you. Meet me here at 7pm. Only one person is actually getting in touch with me right now. Mike. Who has year on year won the award for the “Ex Most Likely To Never Have The Guts To Show His Face Again”. Good for you, Mike. Thanks for re-growing a spine and posting here. V
October 21 On the run (in not-so-sensible shoes)If you want evidence that something’s happened to Verhoven and now Dr. Gareth Cunningham – in other words, that my antennae is 100% right on this Stu! – then watch this asap. Hot off my laptop:
You can’t tell me those figures following Cunningham – the impatient guy waiting for the lift – are just ordinary “security guards”. Ordinary security guards look like the pair that chased me from The Harlwood Institute this afternoon in high heels. I was wearing the high heels. Not them. Obviously. No, these guys in the film look like bad news, like trouble and exactly like the two guys following Verhoven in the carpark. And you can’t tell me this little trio are all off to the café for a cosy chat. I’ve looked through all the footage I left with and I can’t find anything – not a sign of Dr C leaving the lift, leaving the institute, nothing. So where is he? Answer: he’s gone into total radio silence, exactly like Verhoven, which is why I wanted to pay him a visit – a very good idea it seems considering he’s not been seen in the office, not been seen at all, since that little walk into the fourth floor lift. I’ll find him though. Just as soon as I can walk again. The Harlwood Institute is one of those strange steel buildings nestling in a science park in the middle of nowhere -- not great for running away with “borrowed CCTV tapes” in stilettos. No taxis idling waiting to pick you up, no crowds to melt into like in the movies. Hence my feet are up like balloons right now. The science park is like The Land of the Boffins, except there are newly planted the trees to dodge everywhere. They’re an attempt, I suppose, to bring a bit of the natural – i.e. real – world into this geeky bubble. Well, I’m here to bring some of the real world into all this too, for obstructive security guards, for stonewalling science staff - and for one blogging Boffin (you know who you are) in particular: People don’t just disappear. Something is wrong here. And I’m not about to let the trail go cold. V
October 17 No evidence... either wayI’m wet and cold. This is what happens when you get stranded outside in the rain. My so-nearly-good friend Gareth Cunningham had to cancel his lecture at Kirkson Hall this evening because of illness. Maybe he nearly caught pneumonia as well. So, despite Stu’s fears, I couldn’t get him drunk and discover the world of science’s dark secrets. Just my luck that at the moment I finally find a scientist – and an interesting one as well - willing to talk to me, keen enough to ask me to come and meet him… he’s a no-show. OK, so he’s ill, but the result is the same: I’m back to square one. And I also missed out on the chance to ask Dr. Cunningham about the other question that’s really exorcising me at the moment: why anyone would want to kidnap Professor Verhoven? An overreaction? An overreaction is blubbing over a sealions tee-shirt. (Although on a quiet night like this in my flat-for-one, I almost miss Lindsey’s BF and his moaning). And no, I don’t have all the evidence, Stu, but in real life Miss Marple doesn’t pop up after 60 minutes and point her crinkly finger at someone. Things are complicated and messy – so all I’m asking myself is why an academic has effectively been in radio silence for nearly two weeks without any explanation. Am I sniffing for a story Stu? Yes. Am I going to apologise for that? No. Because if you want me to get you evidence that’s something bad’s happened to Prof Verhoven, fine. But then you need to get me some evidence that it hasn’t. V
October 15 The Silent TreatmentStu. At least post a picture of yourself, rather than a bowl of soup (and one of the least interesting soup flavours at that). If I could picture who I was getting angry at, I’d find it so much more satisfying. Still, today I’m feeling slightly more kindly towards you. Shocked, Gazpacho Boy? You should be. Straight to the chase: I was unpacking boxes when I remembered one of your, by now, predictably blinkered, responses in your last blog to the video of Professor Verhoven:
“What evidence have you got that anything bad has
happened to him? Oh…what?...none.. that’s right. He wasn’t running. It was
windy or something. There were security guards there as well. BAH! Viv…you make
me so mad.” I make you mad? Guess what? I don’t care. Because true madness is spending all day trying to track Verhoven down. I’m hearing his answer machine message in my sleep. Martin, Verhoven’s research assistant, has decided to be of no assistance whatsoever (he’s got it into his head that I’m out to cause trouble). So, up until about 10 minutes ago, I had a few theories on what happened to the Professor: a) He’s gone on an “unplanned sabbatical” (see the university’s previous explanation to me). And told absolutely no one? Unlikely. b) He’s incredibly rude, doesn’t want to talk to me and has told everyone to deny they know where he is. Admittedly I left some irritating voicemails but this seems like a massive over reaction. c) Combination of a) and b). He’ s incredibly rude and has taken an unplanned sabbatical specifically because he doesn’t ever want to talk to me again. His friends, who also hate me, are all in on it. And then I remembered Stu’s
posting and the security guards in the bottom of the footage. And then I watched again. And now I have another option: d) Prof V isn’t being rude. Prof V isn’t on some sabbatical. Prof V isn’t ignoring my calls. Prof V isn’t on the run from me because he doesn’t know who I am. Wherever he was going, he was already well on the way before I phoned him. Because something’s not right. I don’t have the evidence, Stu, but I have my instinct. And my instinct tells me that it’s not the wind flapping the Professor’s coat about. Verhoven’s running. And he’s not running towards something… He’s running away from it… and I don’t think those security guards are watching. They’re chasing. Stick that in your soup! V
October 14 Unplanned sabbatical... not likelyWatch this and tell me if this is a man going on an unplanned sabbatical:
I came across this while looking for more info on Jurian Verhoven; Professor, big hitter and one of the most interesting people on the subject of harnessing scientific research to help the planet… … and also, it seems, star of this film. I emailed the person who posted the video – Martin, Verhoven’s research assistant – who took the footage from the university’s CCTV feed. He’s stuck it up there because he’s convinced something’s wrong and the university are refusing to take the matter seriously. For their part, the university are just saying Verhoven often takes “unplanned sabbaticals”. Apparently he has a tendency to get a notion or an idea and just go walking for days on end; loves the Cairngorms it seems. But Martin (long time assistant) says there’s no chance that Verhoven would “disappear” without telling him. And, check out the way the way he’s walking… or, from the way his coat’s flapping around, running. Did he suddenly get told that sabbaticals were two for the price of one? Where’s he going in such a hurry? Answers on a postcard please. V
October 10 Foot in the doorTwo big wins today. Big wins are what people in business say to prove they’re making progress. I learnt this from an ex. He was not a big win himself. More of a great, big fat lose. Big win #1. After no response from Jurian Verhoven, despite leaving a second message in an attempt to sweep the first under the carpet, I have made contact with another far more friendly science type. Yes, Dr. Gareth Cunningham is a real scientist and is willing, despite Quantum Stu’s doubts, to talk to a mere novice like me. Check out the short opening salvo I recorded over the phone below - he’s got strong opinions and lots to say about the future of science… and the world. Gareth – yes, first name terms already, Stu – is giving a lecture in a couple of weeks and I’ll be on the front row. The inside skinny from Gareth Cunningham is only a post-show glass of red wine away:
I am writing this from my new flat. I have the keys! I have some furniture! I have a strange smell in one corner of the living room! Just one corner. Strange. But these are teething problems. I love my new flat, strange smell and all. And hesitant has never been a good colour on me. I think this Dr. Cunningham’s got some exciting stuff he wants to get off his chest. And my tape recorder is ready. V
October 08 Getting the genie back in the bottleJust to show even a professional makes mistakes (yes, this is me actually eating humble pie, Stu!) here’s an example of how absolutely 100% not to request an interview from a respected academic:
Yeah, discovering the origins of the universe is all very well; creating artificial intelligence is pretty impressive; nanotechnology is getting everyone very excited. But wiping an answermachine message you really, really, wished you’d never left? That is, apparently, still beyond our greatest scientific minds. So is pinpointing the exact chemical released in the brain that makes a perfectly lucid person turn into an incoherent wreck as soon as the dreaded *beep* is heard? Couldn’t just a teeny bit of the whopping LHC budget, for instance, have been siphoned off to fund this important piece of research? Yeah, I’ve worked in offices where you can reach back in time and retrieve a misguided email (an ill advised threat of resignation, perhaps). I’ve even intercepted the post to some rather dangerous money men (ok, call a spade a spade, they were gangsters) on one occasion. But where the oh-so-innocent-looking answerphone is concerned… I’m powerless here, at its mercy. My only excuse is that Jurian Verhoven was first on my scientists hit-list and I had just spent all day unloading stuff for the new flat from a storage container with a bloke called Bill (“don’t thank me, pay me” – yeah that was funny the first of the twenty times you said it.). So, let’s just say, I was a bit frazzled. I just have to hope that Professor Verhoven will take pity on me. Or indeed any one of the other highly important academics I’m going after… in person from now on. V
October 02 *Sings* All I want is a room somewhere…Yeah, Eliza you had it easy,
darling. As for me, the Great Flat Hunt continues... Latest rejected offers include: the not-to-be-missed opportunity to share a recently renovated cave dwelling with a Neanderthal man, a basement flat with no windows – isn’t that technically a dungeon? – and an “intimate” house with riverside views (a barge). I hear there’s a 27 km tunnel that’s pretty quiet at the moment. Might be some space going. A little leaking helium isn’t going to keep me awake at night. I’m going to have to nest
somewhere soon. Can’t really take advantage of Lindsey’s hospitality much
longer: her BF’s getting a little twitchy ever since I de-alphabetised his DVD
box sets and recycled his terrible "I Time is running out. Ditto the search for a science scoop. Or some kind of story to get the journo-juices flowing. I’ve not been able to break an end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it scandal about the LHC. Anyway, it didn’t need me to shut the collider down. It didn’t even need a Federal Judge (who failed anyway). The place is having a time out all of its own making... So, fresh from my recent quantum breakthrough, it’s time to wade deeper into the scientific waters - and I realise that I may need to cast my net a little wider if I’m going to fully understand the ways in which controversial science may change our world forever, for good or for bad. And as the government’s former Chief Scientific Adviser Sir David King recently noted, there’s a whole bundle of work going on out there… So time to step up the search for (in order of difficulty):
V
October 01 Three Word Headline NICE ONE STU A hugely oversimplified headline for my exasperated correspondent. I think I may have actually had a quantum (v.v.small)
breakthrough in understanding. A few more cups of coffee, that Nobel Prize is
mine.
September 26 Brain AcheBreaking news: Quantum Stu has decided to slum it with us ordinary folk and honour us by throwing some scraps of knowledge to us mere mortals. Seriously, I’ve now read his explanation of quantum entanglement ten times: “Particles created at the same time are entangled, doing something to one will directly, instantly affect the other. And as all matter was at the same point and one at the moment of the big bang all the matter in the universe is entangled and connected, and space is just an illusion that they’re separate.” Four cups of coffee later and my head still hurts. Yes, I understand that me and the cups of coffee are all made of the same stuff… we’ve all been formed from the same original and expanding crumb of matter. But is the cup still ‘entangled’ with me? Is the cup entangled with all the other moments of coffee-cup-ness it’s had since it became a cup? What was it before it was a cup? Is it even a coffee cup? Is it only a coffee cup when I look at it? One guy in the video seems to say the coffee cup could exist in 3000 different places at once? How? Have I just, in fact, had far too many cups of coffee now? Help. I need answers. And re-hydration. Urgently. V
September 25 Refund Please!(And I’m not talking about Pasta Palace - that’s a separate issue entirely). No, I thought we were getting the secrets of the universe. Two weeks in and all we’ve actually got is a hacked database and a tonne of leaking helium. This thing’s been in the works for 20 years, surely they should have ironed out any teething problems by now. Or perhaps something else is afoot… yes, yes, I have an enigmatic relationship to the truth, as Lindsey – old friend and owner of the lop-sided sofa bed that is my current home – has reminded me. But, I’m a journalist, and we never let the truth get in the way of a good story/drinks order/potential relationship etc, etc… Come on though, what if the giant CERN spin-washer isn’t even broken? What if something else is going on? What if those scientists have actually seen something horrible in there they don’t like the look of? Like 9 billion pounds slowly disappearing into thin air. No, alright, not quite… But just as I won’t divulge here why Lindsey thinks I am sometimes a stranger to reason (but he did look a bit like a Brad Pitt, if you kind of scrunched your eyes up), do we really think that if there was something seriously wrong at CERN they’d tell us in a quick press release? Mmmm… you’re pretty well covered for a cover up when you’re 100 metres underground. Has this apparent set back at CERN dampened my enthusiasm for my voyage into quantum physics? At least one blogger would like that: http://quantumstu.spaces.live.com/ Stu seems to imagine I’m too busy partying to appreciate anything, including his truly horrible music selections. Sadly, I was totally sober when I read (and heard) his posts. My blog is, apparently, “a façade”. This coming from “Quantum Stu” (oh puh-lease!), who thinks peppering his post with bumper-sticker Latin phrases will somehow make him seem less like the unwashed geek-ball he clearly is. “Simplicity is perfection” according to my new friend. So let me be simplicity itself: What is quantum entanglement? Your time starts now… Carpe diem, Quantum Stu, carpe diem. V
September 17 Hacked OffRight, so, let’s get one thing straight. Physics isn’t rocket science. Oh no. It’s far, far more complicated than that. On page 1 of my Quantum Mechanics book, just for a moment, I
thought I did understand something. Page
2 was stuck down with some stray mohito juice from an ‘accident’ in a bar… Yes,
girl in the fetching floral top, trying so hard to give your digits to the
barman that you “accidentally” threw your drink all over me, you too will never
know the secrets held within page 2 and 3 either. Unpeeling the pages didn’t work. But, come on, skipping two pages shouldn’t
leave you completely in the dark forever afterwards… By page 4 and 5 we were onto wavefunctions
and nonlocal connections (no, me neither) and I was onto a second cup of coffee
to keep my brain from melting. I want to understand this.
I really do. Stephen Hawking tells me the LHC is the world’s biggest microscope:
But I still don’t know what I’m looking at. Everything’s made of atoms. Good, got that. Go to the front of the class, Viv. Me, this computer, the hundreds of stairs I climbed to see another potential des res this weekend…all packed with atoms. But now these things are suddenly meant to be connected? And they’ve been connected for all time? Does this mean I’m connected to everything else as well? Because I don’t want to live in a world where I share any atoms with my ex-boyfriend. Not with his personal hygiene. And, by the way, when did it become funny to say that a broken lift will save you money because you won’t need to join a gym? That’s why I’m not renting from you, Frank The Finchley Landlord. In every other respect you were quite attractive, if fifteen floors up. Anyway, I’m hardly fat right now. I’ve just got big atoms. OK. Right, we’re drifting. Just like I was after page 5 of
256. I do actually believe the officials
at CERN when they said this week that the Greek Security Team who hacked into
one of the LHC’s computers were not behaving maliciously. I think they were desperate to understand something (anything, please!) about quantum physics. Good luck to them. They’ll need it.
V x
September 12 One small step for Vivienne…Just like the guys and girls at CERN who seem to have gone just a little bit quiet since we entered the brave new world of secrets-of-the-universe hunting, I’ve learnt that there’s no point in rushing anything.
A watched billion-dollar physics machine never boils. Or produces results. Apparently. In fact, all it seems to do is send a few protons on some warm up laps… for now.
A Welshman called Lyn Evans (who’s been working on this thing for 14 years) was the man who actually pushed the button. And if good old Lyn can wait 14 years, I can wait a few weeks.
Perhaps it’s for the best – I haven’t managed to become an expert in Large Hadron Colliding in the last two days. Because, following CERN’s example, the watch word of the week has been patience – with house hunting (competitively priced damp basement studio with en suite crack house anyone?), with getting your money back from restaurants (yeah, Murray - hiding in the toilet doesn’t make you invisible!) and, of course, with self education about atom-smashing.
Yeah, yeah, not exactly got the PhD textbooks out yet… I did watch this though:
And I have actually bought myself a book on Quantum Mechanics. So that’s a first step. But the planet and I have – at the time of writing – made it to the weekend. And at least the only black holes I’m going to be seeing this weekend will be the “well appointed flats” I’ll be viewing in glamorous London town. My book and I are off to the bar. For double vodkas and ginger ale. What? Surviving the end of the world is thirsty work.
V x
September 10 The world’s still here.I haven’t been swallowed up by a black hole. Or consumed by rampant grey goo gone
wild. The world hasn’t come to an
end. Although it was pretty touch and go
this morning after a not so ‘freshly-prepared-by-our-chefs’ spinach cannelloni
came back to bite me on the…well, everywhere. Still, it could have been my last supper so I wanted to go
out with a big bang. Lucky for me, when they turned on the LHC (that’s Large Hadron Collider for those of you who like the whole schebang) at CERN this morning life as we know it didn’t end. This did not happen: At least I think it didn’t. Although I must admit that
watching the BBC cross to Geneva
in order to watch ‘live’ as a small room of men in spectacles politely
applauded and patted themselves on the back came about as close to the end of
the world as I would ever like to reach. But the general consensus is that we’re all still here, which
is really amazing news. Because I get to
post my first blog, I get to begin my mission to wrestle with the entire world
of science as we know it - and I get to ask for my money back from Murray
(enthusiastic proprietor of ‘Pasta Palace’, two courses for £6 – I’m new to the
area, OK? It’s good to try local places). Don’t panic! My one-woman war with Murray (I know, hardly a typical Italian
name) is not going to be the fodder for this particular blogger. No, sir.
I’m back in London,
taking a break from my usual mediums of TV and print to enter the cut and
thrust of the blogosphere. And I have decided to use today – 10th
September 2008 – as the first day of the rest of my blog. If today is the
beginning of a brave new world, then I want a piece of that particular pie. If
nothing else it may help detract from my cannelloni. But back to CERN and, in particular what most people are
calling the most amazing scientific experiment ever built: a machine to explore
the moments that life began; a machine that could unlock the very secrets of
the universe! Most people that is except the people who think it’s actually a machine that has the power to wipe out the planet.
-20 years in the making -Costing 5 billion pounds -27 kilometers long -Made by 10,000 scientists -100 metres underneath the French-Swiss border.
That’s right, please welcome to the stage… the LHC. This is really something.
Physics for me is a young Jenny Pentwistle and I blasting our eyebrows
off with a Bunsen burner (not a good look for girls. Or boys for that matter). So
hands up, I’m a stranger to strangelets, I’m a newcomer to neutrons and if
anyone can tell me what a Higgs boson is then dinner’s on me (although not at
Pasta Palace, obviously.) Yeah, I’m no Einstein.
But the Collider is up and running and I’m ready to get to work. But one question: what exactly happened
today? I couldn’t possibly tell you, because the ‘action’ took place on a scale
so minuscule that this virgin blogger couldn’t possibly fathom. Like opening my
presents on Xmas Day (sorry mum) the disappointment that the world felt when
nothing interesting happened in Geneva
can only be matched by the relief that we’re not currently being sucked into a
black hole. Check back soon as I’ll be keeping a close eye on the
unfolding events at CERN and their search for the ‘God particle’. Just as soon
as I’ve spoken to the ‘creator’ of the killer cannelloni…
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Sealions" tee-shirt.
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